Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Front and the Back
This is a depiction of how I felt on one particular day, but I think it illustrates the front and the back feeling I have in my brain really well. The confused part is in this one and like I explained previously, I'm not sure if this is truly a "part" or maybe two or more parts or maybe all the parts, trying to make sense of everything. The verdict is still out on this one, right now I just can't figure it out.
The scared one may also not be a true part, but rather an emotional state of some of the parts. It is definitely not the state of all of them, but I couldn't quite tell where the feeling was coming from. As you can see from the drawing, this part or emotion wants to be blind and deaf to the abuse and anxiety. It's sort of a "La, la, la, I can't hear you" kind of attitude to avoid the bad stuff.
The front and back are labeled on this one. I look at it as the front and back of my brain, but you could also look at it like a big mask. The parts and emotions near the front are the ones looking through the mask and the stuff in the back are too far away to be thought about or remembered.
I'm not aware of it, but there must also be some sort of retreat in the back where parts can go when they don't feel safe, based on the fact that there are definitely some parts back there that I'm not fully aware of and other parts have to be going somewhere when they're not "out".